Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
