My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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