Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
