i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
