Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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