Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
