I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
