Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
