we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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