STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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