i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
