I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
