My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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