I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
