This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You've changed since you got that strap on
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