You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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