See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
