This is not my ceiling
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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