apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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