Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My vagina just clenched in fear
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
