Non-Jews are for practice
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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