: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
