I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
