Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
