Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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