i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
