did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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