He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
