Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
