It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
