nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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