I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
