I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
