What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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