sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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