Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
