Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
