I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
