never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
