I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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