Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
