So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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