The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
