I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
