Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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