do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
pop tarts are not kleenex
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
