dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
