I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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