i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
