there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
