: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
