yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
