New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
