Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
