Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
