id be glad to
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
