is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
