It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The adults are the big ones right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
