sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
